I’m on week six of Motherhood.
That’s right. I’m in the “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m starting to feel okay with that” phase.
I’ve survived serious sleep deprivation.
I’ve survived what feels like buckets of runny poop explosions and spit up.
I’ve survived the several little and large adjustments that come with nurturing new life.
The past five weeks have held many ups and downs— Stellar, unparalleled happiness and contentment, coupled with unfamiliar levels of exhaustion and frustration. One day, I said, “We’re starting to get the hang of this!” only to realize the following day that I am so naive. So green.
So, so unprepared.
But I have no choice but to figure it out. I am reminded of the fourth agreement, “Always do your best.” Always do your best, knowing that my “best” changes from day to day, sometimes moment to moment.
I’ve found a few things that are helping me do my best as I shift into a child-full life.
I never drank caffeine before having a baby. Now I fantasize about my almost daily iced coffee with cream, sugar and caramel. Oh god, is it good. And it helps me feel like less of a zombie. Over the past five weeks, I’ve caught myself looking at friends while they’re talking to me, yet not registering anything they’re saying. Caffeine (in appropriate amounts for breast feeding) has helped tremendously with this issue.
Showers have become that special part of day where I take 10-minutes for a little “me” time. Baths are a vacation. I’ve averaged about one bath every 10 days since having my baby, and it truly makes a difference in my quality of life. Throw in a face mask and it’s practically The Spa.
Writing has always been an outlet for me. It’s important that I stay consistent with the things that helped me unwind before having a baby. Writing reminds me of who I am and what’s important to me at a time when it’s easy to feel like I’m losing my identity. I always admired the fact that my mom appeared to me in two ways— as my amazing, attentive mother and also as a woman with a full life outside of being a mom. I hope my child can see me in that light one day as well.
4. Getting Out of the House.
I started to go stir crazy much faster than I anticipated. I thought, being a yoga teacher that enjoys a gentler style of practice that I knew how to rest. Turns out, resting got super old super quick. I struggled for some time with my need to “do” instead of just “be.” Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen my body repay me ten-fold for taking it easy and I’ve seen my body retaliate when I’ve pushed myself too far. That being said, whether it’s a walk around the block or a trip to the baby store, it really helps to get out, drive, and feel like a normal person. I need reminders that I’m not just a meditating milk machine.
Life as I know it has shifted dramatically, and for the better. I’m accepting the loss of the way things were in the same moments that I’m celebrating the changes. I’m a proud new mama. I’m worried too. I try to remember that I’m worried because I care about doing my best for my little one.